I Lived
by kaitybean85
Summary: Imagine that Sam and Dean lived at Bobbys when they were younger. And that Bobby has a niece who's father abandoned her with him shortly after her mothers death. Throw in some angsty romance between Bobbys niece and Dean, as well as some well hidden centuries old secrets, angels of the lord, Gabriel, unplanned pregnancies, Sam and Dean dying and Lucifers cage and you have this.
1. Chapter 1

**I Lived**

**Chapter One: Beginnings and Endings**

Standing here looking at the house I grew up in it all came rushing back.

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*Sioux Falls, South Dakota – July 4th,1987*

"They're so pretty Uncle Bobby!"I stood there starring at the sparkler in my uncles hand as it slowly burnt out.

"They're just sparklers." I ignored Dean. I'd been doing it a lot recently.

"Did you get fwiwewowks Bowby?" Sam had a talent for knowing when to diffuse growing tension. I think its just part of being four and not actually knowing whats going on.

" Of course I did. It wouldn't be a fourth of July party without them." The smile on Sammys face could have melted the coldest hear. Except Deans.

"Doesn't look like much of a party to me." Deans attitude was really getting to me.

"I've never seen fiwewowks befowe. Awe twey wike spawklews Kwate?" Sammy, the four year old instant tension deflater.

"They're just like sparklers just bigger and louder and more colourful." Watching his eyes light up with excitement was worth dealing with Deans attitude. It's not like I don't understand why hes being such a dick. His dad promised to be here to take Dean and Sam to the towns BBQ. But he didn't show up and so now they're stuck with me and Uncle Bobby in a clearing by his house. I knew that feeling of disappointment. My Dad dropped me off at Bobbys four years ago saying he'd be back at the end of the summer.

"Kwate, Kwate, Bowbys stwawting! Come on!" I swear sometimes Sammy is stronger than he looks.

"Okay, okay. I'm coming, don't pull my arm off!" Sammy dragged me to a huge boulder on the edge of the clearing. We sat down side by side. Just after the first firework went off I felt someone sit down beside me.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Dean. I get it." I slid my hand into his, then lent against his side putting my head on his shoulder letting him know he wasn't alone. "I'm sure he could be here if he could."

"Yeah right." I couldn't respond. Partly because I was busy yawning and partly because I didn't have a good enough response. "You know if you fall asleep Sammys going to get mad at you for missing the rest of the fireworks."

"Let him. I'm tired and your warm and comfy." I curled my self further into Deans side as he put his arm around me.

"Thank you." I was almost asleep when Dean whispered this in my ear.

"For what?"

"Being here." I fell asleep with a smile on my face curled up next to Dean as Sammy watched the fireworks in awe. I don't know what Dean was watching but I could tell what ever he was watching it made him happy.

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*Bobby's House – September, 1990*

" Kate do you think Bobby will like the cookies we made?" I had two options, I could tell Sammy the truth, [he'd burnt an entire batch and I'm going to have to throw them away] or I could lie to him.

" I think Bobby will love them."As I said this the front door closed making a sound only made by a certain person. "And where have you been?"

"None of your business."I wish I could say I didn't know why Dean was such an ass but I did know, hell I'd been there my self. But everyone deals with disappointment differently.

"It is when school ended an hour ago. We were worried about you."

"Whatever. Are those cookies?"

"Me and Kate made them!" And Sammy was covered in frosting again.

"Seriously Sammy! I just finished cleaning up the last mess you made!" As Dean began to walk past me I grabbed his arm. "Don't eat the ones on the stove."

"Why?"

"They're completely burnt."

"Thanks for the heads up." He entered the kitchen and was immediately cornered by Sammy.

"Dean you should try one of these ones! I made them all by myself." Honestly I thought the ass deserved it.

"They're very good Sammy." It was so hard to keep from laughing. "You know what Sammy you should give Kate one."Oh you dirty bastard.

"Here Kate, I was this one for myself but you can have it cause you helped me make them." And now I have too eat it.

"It's delicious Sammy." Oh what I'd give to wipe that smirk off Deans face.

"I have to go." Dean got up off his chair and started heading toward the front door.

"Where?" Did he not just get home.

"I'm going to play baseball with some guys from school." Oh...

"Can I come?" Please say yes.

"No, girls don't play baseball, it's a guys sport."

"Oh... yeah I get it." No I don't...

"Whatever. I'll be back later." The door seemed to slam louder when he left or maybe that was just the sound of my heart breaking for what seemed like the millionth time.

"I'll play baseball with you Kate." Oh Sammy. If only it was just about the baseball.

"I don't think we can play with baseball with just the two of us. But we can play catch."

"I'll go get my ball."

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*Bobbys House – May, 1993*

"Uncle Bobby, I'm home." The door closed quietly behind me, something didn't feel right.

"Bobby's gone on a 'hunting' trip." oh "Where have you been anyway?"

" I was shopping with my friend Bekka. I bought this dress, isn't it pretty?" I twirled around mostly because I love how the skirt of the dress flared out when I did. I secretly hoped Dean would like it too.

"It's not practical." Oh...

"What?"

"Well, whats going to happen when you get attacked by a demon. Your going to be to worried about not ripping your dress or getting it dirty to defend yourself. And even if you weren't it's not really good for fighting in with all that skin showing." Oh...

"Yeah... Yeah your right. I didn't really think about that. I'll just go back and return it tomorrow." It's really pretty and I don't really want to get rid of it but, Dean has a point.

"Whatever." He started to walk around me.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." And with that he slammed the door.

"Oh, Okay. See you late I guess..."

"Don't listen to him." Huh... Oh it's just Sammy.

"What?" I turned to see him standing on the stairs as if he had been there watching the entire time... He probably had been.

"Don't listen to Dean, he didn't really mean it anyway. Keep the dress, it looks really pretty on you." Oh Sammy...

"Thanks Sammy... You know that you don't have to do that."

"Do what?" I can't decide whether it's a good or bad thing that Sammys a horrible liar.

"Fix Deans messes."

"I don't know what your talking about." Of course you don't... Just like Dean doesn't purposely lie to you every time your Dad doesn't show up.

"Sure you don't." I gave him that look I do when he tries to lie about something. The 'is that really the story your going with?' face.

"Can we watch a movie?" Perfect change of subject.

"Fine you pick a movie and I'll get the snacks."

"Cool. Don't forget to put butter on the popcorn."

"I never do."

"Hey, I'm just making sure."Sometimes Sammy can be really annoying.

"Whatever." The little idiot stuck his tongue out at me so being the mature responsible person that I am, I stuck my own tongue out at him.

"Wow Kate, your sooooooo mature."

"You did it first loser."

"Just get the popcorn. And don't forget the butter!"

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*Bobby's House – June, 1997*

I was trying to shove as much as I could into my duffel-bag, as fast as I could without crying again. It was bad enough to find out that I was adopted and that was why my Dad had no problems with abandoning me here. Than I found Dean in that janitors closest with that blonde, bimbo, slut after school. As soon as my duffel was packed I was down the stairs and out the door. I threw my duffel in the passengers seat and walked around to the drivers side.

"Kate, Kate! Where are you going." I was hoping I'd be gone before this could happen.

"I'm leaving Sammy." Oh come on kid, please don't start crying.

"Why?" Oh Sammy, you know why.

"A lot of reasons kid." Please, please don't make me say it out loud. I don't want you to hate him. He's all you got.

"It's because of Dean isn't it. Don't go, we can make him leave. He's 18." Oh Sammy, it's more than just that. I don't belong here, not anymore.

"Sammy, it's not just Dean. There's-"

"But he is part of the reason."

"Look Sammy. It's complicated, there's a lot of thi-"

"Kate!" Speak of the Devil and he shall appear.

" Look Sammy I really have to go. But I promise I'll call everyday at our special time alright?" Come on kid, Deans getting closer.

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise." We hooked our pinkies together both our eye filling with tears. "I'm going to miss you kid." I hoped into my truck turning the key as fast as I could.

"I'm gonna miss you too."

"Kate, wait!" Dammit Dean! Why can't you just let me go?

"Move Dean or I swear to God I'll run you over!"

"Just please let me-"

"Don't you have some blonde bimbo to be screwing in a janitors closest right now?" It was a low blow but I didn't care. I was angry and just wanted him to get out of the way. And he did. I floored the gas and tore out of there leaving nothing but dust and memories behind.

I drove for hours not even paying attention to where I was. Eventually I pulled over in some small town to keep my promise to Sammy and to get some sleep. I pulled into the parking lot of some rinky dinky motel and got a room. The first thing I did when I got in there was phone Sam.

"Kate?" He sounded so happy. Sometimes I forget that his family doesn't keep promises.

"Hi, Sammy."

"You kept your promise." He sounded so shocked, and it broke my heart.

"Of course I did... Hows Bobby taking it?" I had to ask, no matter how much the answer might hurt me.

"He's really angry, but he says he understands why you left. He just wishes you had said goodbye before you left."

"I couldn't. I was trying to get out before Dean could show up..."

"I know... Sometimes I really hate Dean." Oh Sammy...

"You shouldn't hate him Sammy. He's your brother."

"I know it's just..."The broken tone of his voice shattered my heart.

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*Bobbys House – Present Day*

0ver the last couple of years I kept my promise to phone Sammy everyday. I was so happy when he told me he was going to college. He deserved a better life than the one we all have. So you can guess I was a little disappointed two years ago when he quit to go help Dean. I eventually mended my relationship with Bobby. I started calling him Dad a few years back because honestly hes the only real father I've ever had.

"Dad, I'm home." The smell of his house enveloped me ad I opened the door. I missed the smell. Old and musty, like a good library.

"In the office." I made my way into the office and there he was sitting at his desk researching god knows what for god knows who.

"It's a little late for research is it not?"

"Nonsense... Actually what time is it?" It's good to see Dad still hasn't changed.

"Bedtime. Come on old man." I was surprised when he got up willingly with only a few grumbles about not being that old. Whatever he's researching must be stressing him out more than usual.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." He kissed me on the forehead like when I was a little girl.

"G'night, dad. I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah." I have a feeling he might not be up till noon.

I headed up to my room. I opened the door and it looked exactly as I had left it. Movie posters on the walls, jewellery and makeup covering every surface of every dresser. It was liked I was 18 again. I slept better than I had in a long time.

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*Bobbys House – The next morning*

As I predicted dad didn't wake up till almost noon. He came down just as his unannounced guests arrived. Luckily I'd baked and cooked enough food to feed a small army.

"I smell pies. Hey Bobby, did you finally find yourself a woman?" Oh Dean.

"No, I-" I didn't let Bobby finish, simply cause I loved messing with Dean.

"No, he stole yours." The look on Deans face was priceless. Although I probably looked quite the sight too. I mean, I was dressed in nothing but my pj's which weren't much, a pair of plaid pyjama shorts and a tank top, and an apron that was covered in flour. I was also holding the pie that I just took out of the oven. "Come on boys, I have breakfast ready and waiting on the table." With that I turned around making sure to sway my hips a little. Sometimes I can just be so evil.

"Wait, Dean. What does she mean he stole yours?" Dammit I was hoping no one else caught that. Sammy always has been an over achiever.

"Ummm... I don't know." Really convincing Dean. Now I had two options, leave Dean out there with the Spanish inquisition or save his ass yet again.

"Boys, the foods going to get cold." I stuck my head out the door and glared. "And if you don't get in here now than you can all eat Bobbys cooking." That caused them to trip over one another to get to the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen last I realized my mistake. There were four of us and only three chairs. Now I had two options, a) I could go search Bobbys house for a suitable chair or b) I could sit on Deans lap and ignore Bobby and Sams stares. I could tell that Dean had also come to this conclusion. Bobby and Sam however, were completely clueless to absorbed in trying to eat as much food as possible. Apparently Dean decided to make the decision for me, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me onto his lap. The unexpected movement caused me to squeak. It just so happens the squeak happened right in Deans ear, which it serves the bastard right for manhandling me. This of course lead to one of our legendary death glare, staring contest. Staring into Deans eyes felt like a thousand years had passed (but it was probably only a couple of seconds) before we were interrupted by Sam making a noise that sounded like a dying cat.

"Jeez Sammy! Are you alright?" I broke the staring contest, turning to look at Sam and accidentally making myself more comfortable on Deans lap.

"It's Sam not Sammy," Oh god, not this again.

"I don't care, you have and will always be Sammy to me. But seriously, you sounded like a dying cat." And he's staring at me in that, 'you totally know whats going on so stop acting stupid look' that I always use to give him. "Uh-uh. You do not get to use my own look against me Sammy. Use your words like a big boy." So antagonizing him probably wasn't the best idea especially since Bobby hadn't clued into what was going on yet and was still happily chomping away at his pancakes.

"Brilliant idea Kate. Cause poking the bear is always the best idea." Something was off. I could sense it. Bobby still hadn't clued in, plus his behaviour last night... And Sam and Dean seem off too, like there's something they're trying to hide.

"Alright, what aren't you three telling me?" I stood up making sure they were all looking at me so I could find which one was most likely to give me some answers. Looking at their faces it was clear Bobby wasn't going to give anything up. So that left Dean and Sam. Dean wasn't likely to tell me, no matter what matters of persuasion I used. But Sammy... "Sammy." I gave him the look I use to give him when we were younger and he'd cover for Dean.

"Uh... Um... What do you mean? There's nothing wrong. Right, Dean?" Oh Sammy, you still suck at lying.

"Sammy... Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. Come on, you know I can handle it." I'm not the little girl everyone seems to think I am, and the sooner they figure that out the better.

"IdiedayearagoandDeansoldhissoultoacrossroadsdemontobringmebackandwe'vebeentryingtofinda-waytokeepDeanfromgoingtohellbutweonlyhadayearandthatyearisupinlikeaweek." The fact that he got that all out in one breath is impressive. And then it hit me.

"You. Did. What!"If looks could kill Dean would be six feet under. A soul collecting cross roads demon wasn't the only thing these two had to worry about right now. I moved my glare to Sam "And you died!" And finally I set my glare on Bobby. "And you didn't think I should know anything about any of this. Not even the fact that Sam died!" And with that I made my exit. Running almost blindly through the house and out the front door. I didn't stop till I got to the clearing where we'd set fireworks off every fourth of July. At least everyone before I found out about being adopted and Deans screwing of the blond in the janitors closet. Before I left and our lives really went to shit. I never realized how good we had it back than. We had a somewhat stable adult figure who loved us and we had each other. And now... Now I was about to lose the one person I cared about most.


	2. Chapter 2: Winchesters Suck

*This Chapters a little short (a lot short actually) but that's because the next one is going to be really long. I promise.*

**Chapter Two: Winchesters Suck**

*Clearing By Bobbys House – Present Day*

I have no idea how long I sat there. The only thing my mind recognized was the crushing pain in my chest, and eventually the big warm hand that slipped into mine.

"I'm sorry-"

"Holding my hand and telling me your sorry is not going to cut it anymore Dean. Your not an angry little 8 year old who's being a dick cause his dad broke a promise. Your a grown ass man who showed up at my door a year ago drunk out of your mind saying all the things I wanted to hear all these years. A man I let in, even though I knew he'd be gone in the morning and I'd be left heart broken. Again. But you stayed. And I guess I should have known something was wrong then, but I didn't want too. Everything was amazing. You were there, and we were together. And it was everything I had ever wanted. But it was all a lie. The perfect little life I thought I was living was a lie." I couldn't speak anymore. Nothing but gut wrenching sobs would pass through my lips.

"Kate, I... Look there's nothing I can say that would make this bett-" I cut him off with a laugh.

"Ahh, yes. Here it comes, a totally reasonable excuse to get you out of talking about your feelings or about how you've done something wrong. You know Dean, your not him. You never have been and you never will be, or at least that's what I use to believe," The look on his face told me I'd hit a nerve. Good, maybe I'd finally get through to him. " Your pushing us all away Dean. And sure maybe we all keep coming back, however that's only because we believe you can change, that we can fix the damage that John did to you. But to be honest, I'm losing faith that you really can Dean. I mean, you spent the last year lying to me and running off on 'hunts' every time I wanted to talk about the night you showed up. If you can't change Dean than... than-"

"Than what Kate? You'll leave? You really think that's gonna help me. Treating me like my old man did? What am I saying you already did that. Hell you threatened to run me over!" Oh Dean...

"I'm not going to leave again. I made a promise to all three of you and I don't break promises. And what happened Eleven years ago was not me treating you like John did. That was a scared and hurt 18 year old girl who had found out the reason her father had abandoned her was because he wasn't really her father and the only reason he agreed to adopting her in the first place was for her mother and thought that since she had died he no longer had to be responsible for her. Than she went to find the boy she loved, because she needed him. Needed to know someone still loved her and found him hooking up with her best friend in a janitors closet!" I turned around ready to run. But I didn't because I wanted, no, needed to hear what he said.

"You never did let me explain." Oh this is going to be good. " I was looking for you when you found me in that closet. I had run into Sam on the way home and he had told me you had gone back to the school looking for me and that you were in tears. So I went back there and was wandering the halls looking for you when I ran into Bekka. I asked her if she had seen you and she told me no but that she'd help me look. So we're wandering the halls looking for you and all of a sudden she pulls me into a janitors closet. I guess she must have seen you. And when she hears the doorknob begin to turn she throws herself at me." That's... Well, that's actually plausible. I mean I always thought Bekka was a bit of a flirt but the more I think about it the only person I ever really saw her flirt with was Dean. " You don't believe me? Seriously!"

"I believe you, but... Dean, that doesn't change the fact that you spent a year lying to me. How am I suppose to believe that any of the past year was real?" I still wasn't looking at him. I couldn't look at him because I knew if I did, I'd be done. I'd see the pain in his eyes that probably was an exact mirror of the pain in mine and I'd just want to make him feel better. Dean was my weak spot, had been since the day we met.

"I didn't tell you about Sam dying because I didn't want you to blame me. I just... I couldn't handle even the idea of you hating me. And when I sold my soul to bring him back... I didn't tell you because if this really was my last year... I wanted us to have the life we should have had... A happy one. One where Sam went to law school, and we were together, white picket fence and everything. And even though this past year wasn't that, well it was damn near close. And if I end up dying in a week than I'm going to die happy because I got to have that with you."

"You really wanted all that? With me?" It was silent and for a second I thought he hadn't heard me.

"Of course I did. Hell your the only one I wanted it with! And I would have done it all. I'd have gotten a real job, you could have opened the bakery you had always wanted. We'd by one of those old houses with it's own personal library. And eventually we would have had kids, because with you, I feel like I could do it. I could live the normal life... give up hunting for good... Be a father..." God, I wanted to turn around but... He hadn't said it... The one thing I'd been waiting a year for. The three words I hadn't heard from him since I was 18. "Kate I-"

"There you guys are!" You know, I use to think Sam had the best timing. But right now he has the worst possible timing.

"Sammy! We're kind of in the middle of something." I turned to look Sam in the eye as I said this.

"Oh, I'll just. Yeah..." It felt like forever before Sam left. When he was finally out of site I turned and finally looked at Dean. And the moment I did I lost it.

"Kate, I-" And for the second time that night Dean was cut off. Although this time it was by me slamming my self into him and kissing him with all I had. It's not that I didn't want to hear him say it, it's that I didn't want him to say it now. I wanted him to say it after they killed Lilith and both of them came back alive. So I poured every emotion I was feeling into that kiss, thinking it could do a better job of explaining it all than my words ever could.

"I know."I whispered as we broke for air. I laid my head on his shoulder and just let him hold me for a minute. " Come on, before Bobby decides to come looking for us."

"Yeah I'm not so sure that it'd be a very pleasant experience." I had to laugh at the fear in Deans voice.

"Come on, I'll protect you from the big bad Bobby." We walked back to the house hand in hand.

*Bobby's House – A Week Later*

I wish I could say we spent the next week having sex, but that would be lying. I mean we certainly tried, but it's extremely hard to get any action while staying in your dads house. Especially when he seems to be just around every corner. Either he's a ninja or is using magic. Either way his cock-blocking is not appreciated. You'd think he'd ease off at least a little bit considering the circumstances but a dad will always be a dad. Except for my biological father and the man who adopted me. But I guess that just means they were never really fathers.

"You okay?" Hearing Sammy snapped me out of my depressing walk down memory lane.

"Oh yeah Sammy. My boyfriends about to die because he sold his soul to a demon to bring you back, which I want to be mad at him for but can't because I'd do the exact same thing. However I am mad that him and his little brother – one of my best friends – and my father were keeping major secrets from me for an entire year. If that wasn't enough all three have told me not to try and bring said boyfriend back. To 'move on'. If it were actually possible for me to move on from Dean I would have sent him away a year ago."

"You never did tell me what happened."

"Great subject change Sammy," I glared at him "You really want too know what happened?"

"Yeah, cause it apparently had a huge impact on both of you."

"Well, I guess I better start at the beginning." And with that I began my long tale of what exactly happened to lead us to today, or at least from my perspective.


	3. Chapter 3

***(So, as promised this ones longer - way longer - But as you might notice I had to bump up the rating. That's because this chapter contains abuse and sexual content - pure smut- So if you don't like smut or are uncomfortable with physical abuse than feel free to skip this chapter)***

**Chapter Three: If Only I'd Chosen Differently**

How do I answer Sam's question? I definitely can't answer it out loud. No, it's too much, to violent for Sam to hear. Not to mention if I tell him the whole story he'd go get Dean and they'd go down to Kansas and murder James. So how do I start this story? Do I start at the very beginning, when I ran away from Sioux Falls in search of answers and as much distance as I could put between me and Dean Winchester? Or do I start at exactly a year ago, when Dean Winchester showed up at my door completely wasted and apologizing for everything he'd ever said or done to me? My mind wandered to somewhere in the middle and all of a sudden I was lost in thoughts of the past, both good and bad.

***Lawrence, Kansas – 5 Years Ago***

It was about a month after I had found my adoptive father. I found him buried in a cemetery just outside of the city we use to live in. The same city that Sam and Dean were born in. We actually lived just a couple of blocks down from the house they lived in. It's funny how we never met until I moved in with Bobby. Turns out my father, the adoptive one, died a little more than a month after he dropped me off a Bobby's. According to the newspapers in the archives at the library, it was a car accident. A semi ran a red late at night and t-boned his truck. He died on impact, it said he probably didn't even feel it. That's just how my life was going, I searched for six years and when I finally found him he was dead. I had come all this way for nothing, or so it seemed.

After I found out about my father, I went back to our old house. It looked abandoned, almost as if no one had lived there since my father died. Turns out it had been. Apparently everything my parents owned was left to me, or at least when I turned 18. It also turned out that Bobby must have known about my fathers death because he was not only my godfather but the trustee of my parents Estate. So even when Bobby finally told me the truth he was still holding things back and lying. I eventually found the family lawyer, signed the papers, moved into the old house and started fixing it up.

***Lawrence, Kansas – 3 Years Ago***

After two years I had finally finished fixing the house up. I'd also gotten a job at a local cafe. It was just me and the owner but I liked it that way. Every Saturday night after work we'd go to the bar down the street. That's how I met Devon. And later, it's how I'd meet the one person I wish I had never met.

It was a typical Saturday night. Karla and I were seated at our regular spot right at the bar. It was busy as usual, mostly because it was the only bar in this area of the city aimed towards people younger than 40. When Devon (at this point I'm pretty sure he's the only person who actually works there) wasn't busy he'd come and talk to us or as Karla put it "He flirts up a storm with you and politely chit-chats with me" but I'm pretty sure Karla's crazy (like legitimately) so I took everything she said with a grain of salt. It was in one of these such flirtations, that I met James.

How to describe James, I could describe him as my younger more naive self saw him. A gorgeous blonde, with amazing blue eyes, who once you got to know him a little, seemed like the most intelligent person you ever met (mostly because you spent most of your time around hunters and rednecks... not that there's much of a difference between the two). He was witty and seductive and was from New York. He was everything Dean Winchester wasn't. I fell hard and fast, without realizing that the James I knew wasn't the real one.

The first time it happened we were arguing about something stupid, I don't even remember what it was. All I remember is his fist hitting my face and me falling into the kitchen island. By the time my body hit the floor he was apologizing, "I'm so sorry" he said over and over and "It'll never happen again" and "It was an accident" and we can't forget the reason I stayed so long. Three little words, that's why I stayed. You have to realize that I was in a horrible place, I was still in pain over what happened with Dean and Bobby, and Sam had stopped calling everyday. Actually by the time he hit me for the first time, Sam was only calling me once every couple of weeks if I was lucky. I was desperate for someone, anyone to love me and would do anything to keep them.

After that first time it just went down hill. It started with him hitting me when we argued, then because he was mad with me, then just because he was mad. Soon he was hitting me just for fun, but I stayed. I always stayed, because after every punch, every slap, every shove down the stairs came those three little words. Three little words, that's all that mattered to me back then. He could do anything he wanted to me as long as he said those three little words after. I started living for those three little words, but he only said them when he hit me or we were in public. James didn't like going out much, actually it was more like he didn't like going out with me. So I started getting him angry on purpose, and instead of avoiding him when he came home mad like I use too, I'd go out of my way to make sure I was the first thing he saw. I started eating less because one day he mentioned my weight. I started wearing girly clothes and make up because he made a comment about liking girls who did that. I quit my job because he said he didn't like me working, that he was suppose to provide for me. I stopped going to the bar because he said he didn't like it. I stopped talking to my friends because he didn't like them either. I spent my entire day at home because he said he didn't want me going out by myself. I'd wait up till 2 sometimes 3 in the morning for him to come home, he always came home smelling like a bar and other women. Once he came home with lipstick on his collar and a pair of some girls panties in his pocket. I pretended like I didn't see them. I changed who I was for him, let him beat me till I passed out, quit my job and stopped talking to my friends for him. He slept with another girl, and it probably wasn't the first time he did it either.

My life continued on like this for a year and a half, than one day James came home early. He had been fired for drinking on the job. He blamed me. He started with a couple hits to the face, than a few jabs to the stomach. He threw me into the kitchen island, then as I laid there in pain laughed and started kicking me where ever he could. I curled up in the fetal position and protected my head. He soon got tired of this though. I thought he had stopped so I uncurled and got up. I turned to look toward the sink and there he was with a knife in his hand. I ran. He beat me to the door and was effectively blocking any exit I had on this level, so I ran upstairs. I tried opening the windows but they were all nailed shut because James had thought that be safer, no one could get in. He forgot to mention that it also meant I wouldn't be able to get out. I heard him coming, taunting me with those three little words that I was always so desperate for, so I hid in the bathroom and locked the door. It didn't do much to stop him. He kicked the door in, I screamed and the next thing I know I'm waking up in a hospital bed with him beside me. I tried to get up and run but I was attached to so many machines. I started pulling on all the things attached to me and all the machines started screaming and than there were people rushing in an trying to restrain me and he just stood there. He knew what was about to happen, they'd get me calmed down than ask me what happened. He also knew this time I wouldn't lie. This time I'd tell them what he did, and I did. I ask to see a police officer and to have James removed from my room and held until the police got there, or I would have if a) I wasn't paralysed with fear and b) Devon hadn't burst in and punched James in the face.

Turns out that James keeping me locked up in the house was a good thing. Since I was never allowed to leave without him, and he rarely wanted to go out with me, I was never able to make him my emergency contact. It also meant Devon and Karla were still the only people listed as my next of kin. So James couldn't make any medical decisions for me and Devon was notified the minute they pulled my medical records up. Long story short, James was arrested and is still in prison. It took the jury and the judge all of 2 seconds looking at my bruised, battered and malnourished body to decided that James really was guilty. I was finally free.

_6 Months Later_

After 6 months of recovery, I was finally stable and back on the right track. I thought I was going to have to beg Karla for my job back, but the minute I walked into the Cafe I was engulfed in the biggest warmest hug I could ever remember receiving. I didn't even have to ask her for my job back. She handed me an apron and told me to start baking the afternoon pastries. Devon stayed with me for a month after I got out of the hospital. He was afraid I'd try something drastic or James might get let out early and come back. When he finally left he made me swear to call him every day. Everything was going great. Most of the cuts and bruises had disappeared, and I was back to a normal healthy weight. I repainted, refurnished and fixed up the house so I wouldn't be reminded of James. I also threw out and got a whole new wardrobe. I called Bobby, and then went and visited him. I started calling Sam again, every day. Then, one day, Sam didn't answer, and the next night Dean shows up on my door step, completely wasted.

***1 Year Ago***

There was a knock at my door, which was odd considering it was after midnight. For half a second, I thought it might be James, but the only time I saw him now was in my nightmares, and I was most definitely awake. I pinched my self just to make sure. I cautiously made my way to the front door, grabbing my pistol on the way. What, I was raised by a man who hunts and helps others hunt Demons, Ghouls, Ghosts and Monsters, I'm always prepared. I slowly unlocked and open the door, and immediately sighed in relief. Then got a little angry.

"Dean, what the hell are you doing here?" I couldn't help but let the 11 years of anger and bitterness into my voice.

"Kate? I finally got the right house, thank god! You wouldn't believe how many doors I've knocked on tonight." He was drunk. Drunker than I've ever seen him. "Listen, I know you probably don't want to see me or talk to me or whatever. And you probably, no, you most definitely still hate me. But, I just... I... I need you, okay? I can't do this with out you. I tried... Heaven knows I tried, for 11 fucking years... But I just can't. I need you to keep me grounded... and keep me from doing all the stupid shit I do and... And... And Dad died... And it's all my fault... And... I just... I just need you... Please... Please?" A part of me wanted to tell him it was too late, and to slam the door in his face. But the other part of me, the bigger louder more controlling part of me... She was still in love with Dean Winchester, and although he hadn't said everything she had wanted to hear, he had said enough. I step through my door and wrapped my arms around him. In his drunken state it took him a minute to realize what was happening, but soon his giant arms were wrapped tightly around me. A few seconds of this and he broke down in tears. That's when I decided we should move this inside.

" Dean, we should go inside before my neighbours see us." He nodded his head in agreement and followed me into the living room. I made him sit on the couch while I ran to the kitchen to get him a cup of coffee. I was hoping that would be enough to sober him up, at least a little bit.

Turning the coffee maker on I turned around to grab cups. What I was not expecting was to see Dean standing right there, close enough that I could feel the heat of his body. He lifted his hand up to cradle my face, and just like that I was 17 again, sitting on the back of my truck watching a meteor shower with my best friend. I crumbled, and the next thing I know, I'm sitting on my kitchen counter my legs wrapped firmly around Deans hips. Our bodies molded so perfectly together that if we weren't wearing clothes, you wouldn't be able to tell where one of us ended and the other began. Our mouths only left for the briefest inhalations of breath. Dean ripped my shirt in half and I felt it all the way down to my core. His mouth found my neck, travelling quickly to the sensitive part of my neck, the one only he could find. I couldn't help but to moan, a deep guttural sound that shook my entire body, or maybe it was the relief of finally being back in Deans arms that made me shake.

"I'm never leaving you again, I promise." It was silent, a whispered promise against my neck. I probably wasn't even suppose to hear it, but I was so attuned to his every movement and sound now, so tightly wound around him, that he could have just mouthed the words against my skin and I still would have heard them.

"I missed, you so much. I know I shouldn't have, I left you. I said all those, things to you. I didn't even believe half of them really, I just needed you to believe them so you'd let me leave. I needed to say them so that I could leave..." I think I'm crying but I'm not sure. My eyes feel wetter than usual. Dean lifted my chin with his finger, and held my face in place so I was forced to look at him.

" None of this is your fault, you got me? This is all me. I'm the idiot that screwed up." He looked so broken. I hated it when he looked broken, and hated it even more when I was the one to cause it. "Stop it, I'm not broken, and even if I was, you didn't cause it. But you can fix it." and just like that everything was hot and frantic again.

At some point we moved from the kitchen to the hallway. My back up against a wall, Deans face in my neck, one of his hands firmly planted on my ass helping his pelvis support my weight while we violently thrusted, looking for friction through the fabric of our clothing. The other hand kept moving. One second it was wrapped in my hair, tilting my neck this way and that, then it was sliding down my arm to the front of my chest, cupping my left breast in it and squeezing, eliciting a long, deep moan. Finally it moved down to my thigh, caressing it lightly, so close to where I wanted, no needed it, yet never reaching the promise land.

"Bedroom?" I was so distracted by his ministrations that I barley registered that he said anything.

"Uhh... straight... OH!... down... ughhh... the hall... OH DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS!... to the left. HURRY!" By the time we reached the bedroom all I could think was how much I need him inside me. It didn't take long before we were completely naked, both figuratively and literally. We were connected in both body and soul.

Our thrust were frantic and rough, but also gentle and loving, making up for all the lost years. My fingers found themselves roaming his body, trying to remap it. I started at the top, running my fingers through his hair, pulling when his tongue and mouth started roaming southwards, and nearly ripping his hair out when they reached the place that ached for them the most. It didn't take long before I was cumming hard into his mouth. As I was coming down from my first of many mind boggling, delicious orgasms he lifted his head and started moving himself upwards. Kissing his way across my pelvis, up my abdomen and stopping to pay special attention to my breast. Taking first the right one into his mouth and sucking on it like he was a dying man in a desert, desperately trying to find a drop of water. Well he was doing this his hand was revisiting the supple flesh of my left breast. Pinching, squeezing, anything that would elicit a moan. He switched positions replacing his hand with his mouth on my left breast finally giving it the attention it had been begging for and placing his other hand on my other breast. When he was satisfied with his work there, and I had, had yet another mind numbingly amazing orgasm, he kissed his way up my neck until we were face to face. Noses bumping, breathing the others exhale, staring endlessly into the eternity of each others eyes. His looked like the green of the fields we grew up in, bringing me both feelings of comfort and lust. We stayed like that for what felt like eternity. Our breaths ragged and heavy. I reached out and stroked his face, and that simple action was all that was needed between us. We didn't need words, just looks and actions. They displayed our emotions better than words ever could. When we finally came together, it was everything I remember it being. Intense, passionate, gentle, loving, soft and hard, a journey that had to be ridden from beginning to end with no pauses. When we were together like this nothing could distract us. The world could be ending around us, the house burning down, demons standing waiting for their chance to rip a piece of flesh from us, and all we'd see were the others eyes, all we'd feel is our bodies moving in sync, and all we'd hear is the moans, pleas and ragged, heavy breathing. When we finally came we came together, swallowing the others scream with a hard, passionate kiss saying everything we wanted to say but couldn't. We feel asleep wrapped completely around each other, still breathing in sync and never taking our eyes off the other.

_THE NEXT MORNING_

** _"__Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I want to take ya, _**

_** Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama, **_

_** Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go, Jamaica. **_

_** Off the Florida Keys, there's a place called Kokomo  
That's where you want to go to get away from it all  
Bodies in the sand, tropical drink melting in your hand  
We'll be falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band  
Down in Kokomo"**_

" Really?" I laughed at the indignation in his voice.

"Shut up, you like the Beach Boys and you know..." My brain finally registered what was happening and I flipped over, nearly giving me whiplash. "Your here." My voice sounded shakier than I would have liked it.

"Where else would I be?" Dean looked legitimately concerned, like maybe he had done something wrong by being here.

"I don't know... I just... I expected last night to be a dream, or to wake up and find out that you had left in the middle of the night, leaving nothing but a note that said 'see ya when I see ya'..." The only thing keeping me calm, was the slow, soothing rhythm of the Beach Boys and Deans arm running up and down my back.

"You thought I'd leave? Even after last night?" He sounded upset, and almost broken.

"It's just... that seems to be our pattern lately... We say a bunch of stuff and feel like we're finally going to get our happy ending, and then one of us screws up and/or leaves." I was staring at his chest, because I knew I couldn't handle looking into his eyes. Not right now, while I was still trying to understand what was going on. I mean, Dean was still here. He put a finger under my chin and lifted it so that he could look into my eyes.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere. Actually that's not true... I'm eventually going to have to go back or Bobby and Sam might get suspicious. But, I swear to you, this time it's going to be different." And I believed him even though there was this small tiny part of the back of my mind that was screaming at me, telling me something was wrong. "Now, how bout I make us some bacon and pancakes?"

"Hmmm... That would be delicious, if I had bacon." He looked completely betrayed.

"Why don't you have bacon?"

"Because it's greasy and bad for you." I'm actually surprised that I was able to say that with a straight face, and keep said straight face.

"Please tell me your joking, and that Sam hasn't infected you with his healthy eating rabbit ways." He was totally serious too. I mean going by the look on his face, he was genuinely concerned.

"I'm kidding. The real reason I don't have bacon is because my friend Devon is trying to get me to eat better, and he was suppose to come over today. So I ate all the bacon so he wouldn't see it. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, I might have one emergency package hidden at the very back of my fridge." and at the word emergency package he was up and out the door. I however took my time to stretch and fully wake up. When I did finally get out of bed, I grabbed Deans shirt from the night before (seeing as he had ripped mine to the point where I couldn't even fix it if I wanted to) and made my way down the hall to the kitchen.

Dean was standing at the island in nothing but his boxers, making bacon and pancakes, humming along to the 80's play-list on my iPod. I just stood there for a little while, watching him and thinking that I could get use to this, which is when reality set in. Sure it would be like this for a little while, but than Dean would go back on the road with Sam and everything would go to hell.

"Stop it." Deans voice startled me out of my thoughts.

"Stop what?" I was generally confused by his comment. As far as I knew I hadn't even done anything. He came over to me and put his hand under my chin.

" Thinking about every bad case scenario, every bad what if, every doubt you have. I told you, this time is different. This time no ones leaving anyone. Got it?" All I could do was nodded my head. He leaned down and captured my lips in a deep and searing kiss, but before we could get any further the doorbell rang.

"I'll go get that, you go finish making my breakfast." I gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Yes mam!" He gave me a mock salute and went back to the kitchen.

I made my way to the front door wondering who would be here, this early in the morning. Unfortunately it only occurred to me that the only thing I was wearing was Deans t-shirt and a pair of black satin panties, after I had opened the door. And of course with my luck it was Devon on the other side of the door. He just stood there for a solid minute staring at me.

"Devon, what are you doing here?" He usually didn't just show up randomly, or at the very least he would text or call before showing up.

"uh... um..." He cleared his throat, " We... Uh... we had plans remember?" Oh damn! I totally forgot about that. Oops...

"Um..." Now I feel like a dick.

"You, totally forgot didn't you?"

"Yes but I have a totally good reason-"

"Kate, who's at the door?" I could hear Dean making his way to the front door. He wrapped his arm around my waist, the way he did when we were younger and some young punks tried hitting on me. He knew Devon, just like those idiots, had no chance, especially after last night, but he still needed to stake a claim.

"Dean, this is my friend that I was telling you about Devon." Dean just stood there staring him down, so I nudged him softly in the ribs. Okay, maybe it wasn't as soft as I thought, if his small grunt of pain and quick fleeting glare were anything to go by but at least it got him to hold his hand out and introduce himself.

"Hi, Devon was it," Alright, so far so good, their shaking hands maybe a little bit to tightly but otherwise everything is fine.

"Yes and you are?" Devon got this look in his eye that I couldn't quite tell what it was.

"Dean. Kate's boyfriend. We've actually know each other since we were just little kids. Grew up together and what not." And the part I was waiting for.

"You know what, I just realized I'm not actually dressed, so I'm going to go change. Devon why don't you come inside me and Dean were just about to have breakfast." I left before either of them could actually say anything. I closed the door to my room and leaned against it, wondering just how to deal with this. Option a) I go outside and pretend like everything's completely normal. Option b) I go outside and kick one of them out or Option c) I climb out the window and hide out at Karla's. As much as I'd like to have chosen option c, I chose option a. When I walked back into the kitchen (now fully dressed, but still wearing Deans shirt) they were both sitting at the kitchen island just glaring at each other. Dean of course was still just in his boxers and would probably remain that way until Devon left. "Hey, Devon, sorry to do this but a friend of my dads just called me. Apparently dad had a bit of a health scare but is refusing to call me, so I'm going to have to head down there for a little bit to check up on him and make sure he's alright."

"That's alright we can just reschedule when your back in town." I just smiled and nodded, leading him to the front door with promises of calling him when I got back.

"Is Bobby alright?" The sudden appearance of Dean behind me, frightened me a little.

"Bobby's fine, or at least I think he is... Now that I think about it he hasn't called in a few days."

"Wait so you lied? Why?" Sometimes I really believe that Deans as stupid as he tries to look.

"Because the two of you were having a glaring match in my kitchen. Now hurry up and get dressed, it's a six hour drive from here to Sioux Falls and I'd like to get there before supper." With a playful pat on the ass I sent him on his way. An hour later we were on our way to Sioux Falls. Of course we didn't tell Bobby that we were back together. We (and when I say we I mean I) came up with a lie about me running into Dean at the gas station by my house, my car crapping out and Dean offering to drive me to Sioux Falls, mostly because I broke down in to a fit of sobs. Surprisingly Bobby bought it.

We spent the next year seeing each other mostly when Sam and Dean were near Kansas, or I was visiting dad or house sitting for him. It was amazing, and Dean was right. We were finally going to get it right, or at least that's what I thought before I found out the real reason a drunk Dean showed up on my door step a year ago.

***Present Day***

Now of course I didn't tell Sam all of this. What I told Sam was highly edited. I talked about the things he didn't know about. Like my relationship with James, except I left out pretty much everything. All I really told him was that I dated a guy, he was a jerk and it ended badly. I didn't even tell Sam his name. I talked about the state of Dean when he showed up at my door. I skipped over the mind blowing sex and mentioned my surprise at Dean being there when I woke up. I told him about Dean and Devon's non-verbal pissing match. And how I believed my self to be living an almost perfect life up until about a week ago. Sam was actually stunned silent by everything I had to say, and that was the highly edited version of the story.

I went to sleep that night feeling better. I woke up the next morning remember that today was the day that would determine the future of my relationship.


End file.
